Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Jerry, you need to find god
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He called his prostate his "boner button".
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
