so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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