I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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