He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
