Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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