My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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