are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
