I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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