I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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