so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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