morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
