I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
