Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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