I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
