Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
