oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
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I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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