and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
