It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
