This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
People in love make me want to vomit
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
