so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
