She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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