is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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