OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
