we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
