Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
