i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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