Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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