oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
