i just sent this text using only my big toe
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
