I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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