All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
