I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
