I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
