I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
