i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
