i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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