Me too!
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
