Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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