I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
