Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
