he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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