he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
