I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
