They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
