You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
