sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
