I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
