I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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