Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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