I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
