He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
The power of my boobs compel you
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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