yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
