like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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