What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
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