I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I can't turn off my feet"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
