seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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