my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
