I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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