I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
