can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
