then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
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Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
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I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
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