Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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