You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
