The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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