Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
