Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
